


The Infamous Drabble Dump

by fowo



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fowo/pseuds/fowo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon popular request I'll be posting my drabbles here, each in one chapter. They will contain different ships, ratings and contents each time and are all unbeta'd for my own mental sake. (Also that means I can post them as soon as they're finished.) Summaries will be in the notes for each chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First is Crocodile/Doflamingo. M, D/S, language

  
There was a soft metallic  _clinc_  to his left and the unmistakably sound of a lighter going aflame. He could hear the ember of Crocodile's cigar spitting, the slow, enjoyably exhale of breath afterwards. The air started to smell of smoke, heavy in his lungs, just a hint of sweetness too, and so familiar. "Well," Crocodile said, voice croaking just for a second from the toxic inhale. "This suits you a lot better than that  _shit_ -eating grin."

 

Doflamingo noticed only then he wasn't smiling anymore. The bed sheet rustled and he could smell Crocodile—the smoke, his cologne, his  _flesh_ —even before his breath reached his naked skin. There was another cloud of smoke, blown directly into his face. Doflamingo winced and drew his head away. "What's it like to be the  _rope bunny_  instead of the tier?" he asked, voice low. "I imagine you appreciate the new sensation. It's quite the addition to your power, knowing what it feels like."

 

And Crocodile's knots did hold firm, the ones around his wrists and the one around his head. Doflamingo tried pulling his arms, but the rope didn't give in. The knot in his blindfold pressed tightly against his head. "Yeah? Maybe I should suck you dry then," Doflamingo teased nevertheless, as if oblivious to his situation.

 

"Oh, absolutely. I'll make  _sure_  you do."

 

He could  _hear_  the smirk. Doflamingo frowned as he realized his argument, which he thought was so  _witty_ , only backfired. "Oh, that's so typical of you," he said, still trying to gain the upper hand at  _least_  in the argument. "Doing all this just because you're so desperate for my mouth."

 

"I assure you, when I'm through with you, the first thing you're gonna say is, ' _Please_  fuck my mouth, Sir Crocodile.' And now, to ensure that—" Another rustle to his left, a long  _rrriip_  that made Doflamingo shudder against better judgment and he even tried to squirm away but the next thing he knew, Crocodile has taped his mouth shut. "I'll have you shut up. I do like you a lot better when you're not maundering."

 

Doflamingo wanted to object, and tried to, but all he could do was give a muffled huff, and that was too degrading for even him, so he remained silent after all, furious Crocodile's plan worked so well.

 

Crocodile smiled.

 

—

 

When the tape came off, Doflamingo was barely able to conceal his moan, flinching. "Fuck, oh,  _shit_ ," he panted, wiping his mouth on his shoulder as good as he could.

 

Crocodile looked down at him, amused. "Well?" he said.

 

Doflamingo heard his belt buckle clatter. The damned blindfold forbade him to see, but the sound was right above him. "Fuck, I hate you," he moaned. "Okay, yes, let me suck you off, I'll do anything."

 

"Hmm, that's a little too demanding, don't you think? You're hardly in the position to offer me anything, I can take whatever I want from you. Now, reconsider." Crocodile's hand was around his throat, easing his head up a little. Doflamingo felt a pillow being pushed under him before Crocodile put his head down again, neck craned.

 

Doflamingo grimaced. How did he always made him do things like that? Reptile be damned, one day he'd surely claw off that fucking grin off his fucking face. "Will you," he panted, the phrasing with effort, "put it in—"

 

"No, that's not quite it, still too demanding," Crocodile dispraised him, voice level. He gently rubbed over Doflamingo's lower lip, opening his mouth just a little and slipping a finger in. "Try again."

 

Doflamingo could feel the metal of Crocodile's rings against his tongue and could barely suppress a moan. "Can you just fucking fuck my mouth—"

 

"Ah, ah," Crocodile tsked at him. "Be good, now, don't test my patience." The finger in his mouth was gone, and Crocodile gripped firmly around Doflamingo's face, pulling him up a little again. "You get one last try."

 

"Fuck,  _please_  fuck my mouth already!" Doflamingo wailed, flinching at both Crocodile's harsh touch and the memory of what Crocodile had predicted earlier.

 

Crocodile smiled at him. "Not bad," he purred, "I'll oversee your poor form of address this once. Here you go, open wide..."

 

...

 

He bit down on the name that wanted to escape his lips ( _Do—_ ), draining it instead to a subdued groan, clenching his jaws until he felt the blood pump in the veins on his throat. It seemed so hot under the cravat now. He felt the hair in the nape of his neck stick to his skin, damp with sweat. "Good," he breathed, thumb gently caressing Doflamingo's bobbing Adam's apple. "You're doing good, I'm proud." He could feel Doflamingo swallow hard, both around him and under his fingers, and there was just the hint of his teeth, but he was actually well-behaved and  _very_  eager. Crocodile smiled idly. "I find your enthusiasm quite charming," he continued quietly. "Is this your way of admitting I was right?"

 

Doflamingo moaned faintly, sound choked on Crocodile's length. Crocodile rather enjoyed the feverish blush on his cheeks, his blond hair almost white next to it. Crocodile let his fingers wander gently over Doflamingo's jaw, trailing the arch of his chin, and smudged a few drops of saliva from his lips. Doflamingo's frantic breath on his skin was hot when he reached for the blond hair, spreading his fingers through it. Doflamingo seemed to enjoy the sensation, Crocodile could feel his tongue pushing against him, his desperate swallowing increasing. He yanked at Doflamingo's head a little, satisfied with the muffled moan he earned. "Don't get the wrong idea," he said, but he knew his voice gave him away. If not the raspy tone, then at least the twitching in his thighs that he knew Doflamingo could sense, even tied up and blindfolded like this. "I'm close," he said under his breath, allowing his eyelids to flutter shut for a moment. "Don't fuck up now."   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luffy and Sanji, gen

Just add water

 

"Gu ninuge oogesh?" was what was coming from Luffy’s mouth. After a moment of consideration, Sanji presumed he was just repeating what he had said: Two minute noodles.  
"Yeah", he said, turning the package around in his hand around while Luffy turned his attention back to his fifth serving. The rest of the crew had already finished eating, Nami and Usopp doing the dishes behind him. That idiot marimo was probably taking his nap on deck, Robin and Chopper were discussing books over some coffee Sanji had served them. He himself was writing a list of their supplies, after he had used the last shore leave for restocking. He always kept tab on the things he had. It really was neccessary, without a lockable refridgerator it was the only way to tell wether Luffy had been stealing food again.  
"The old man from the grocery store told me about them," Sanji added. "Apparently it’s a new invention of food. The noodles and vegetables are dried, and you just add hot water to it and then, well, it’s ramen, I guess."  
"Ramen are delicious," was what Luffy replied. Or, well, what Sanji thought he replied anyway. He clearly had no time for talking. Luffy’s main objective was to eat as much as possible in as little time as necessary. After the initial feeling of shock and disgust, it was actually rather impressive.  
"Yes, but only if you make them properly." Sanji lit a cigarette. "How are noodles supposed to taste good if you don’t make them yourself? It’s not like it’s much work. It’s really just wheat and water. But you have to knead the dough with affection. Like a lady’s breasts. Without love, all food will taste bland."  
"I don’t know about that." Luffy just finished his plate and was licking off the sauce with his fingers, like a little kid. There had been a time Sanji had scolded him for his manners but had quickly given up. He wouldn’t admit it, but Luffy’s love for food was almost the same as his, even if they showed it differetnly. "But your udon are delicious." Sanji shrugged, inhaled and blew out the smoke in the corner of his mouth, to the window. Luffy waved it aside. "Can you make them for me?"  
"What? Now? Are you still hungry?!"  
"I can always eat!"  
"I know, but don’t be ridiculous. I made fruit salad for desert, eat that, and then you’ll have to wait for dinner." He had expected some kind of resistance, but to his surprise, Luffy jumped up from the bench, yelling, "Alright! Desert!", helped himself to whatever his crew had left for him and vanished above deck.  
"Can you believe this guy," Usopp said, hanging the dish towel aside for drying.  
"We’re done, Sanji," Nami said. "Can we help you with anything else?"  
"Nono, you go and make yourself a good time now, Nami dear. I got it from here, thanks so much for your help. You too, Usopp, now go, I got it." He shooed them out of the kitchen, closed the door, leaned against the wood for a moment and allowed himself to relax a little. Working at the Baratie had been hard, no doubt. Working in a kitchen was ALWAYS hard. When he’d decided to join the Staw Hats, he’d known it would be dangerous, but he’d never guessed the amount his cooking skills would be challenged, too. He was set to keeping Luffy happy, but shit, it was hard work.  
Putting his cigarette out he put a kettle with water on the stove, put the clean dishes aside and stood staring at the open fridge for a moment, deciding on what he would make for dinner. It was always like that. The minute the crew finished eating, he was up again preparing the next meal. With Luffy onboard, it was like working for a wedding reception every day.  
And it often ended like this: While the crew was eating, he was so caught up with serving the girls and keeping Luffy happy and arguing witht he damn idiot swordsman that he completely forgot to eat himself. They all had their own unique taste and he was determined that all of them got what they wanted. They all needed their energy so much. And then he ate afterwards, while preparing the next meal.  
Sighing, he got the meat out to put it in marinade for a few hours. When the water in the kettle was boiling, he took it, put the dried noodles and vegetables from the package in a bowl and poured the water over them. He stirred it with chopsticks and sat down at the table again when he thought that two minutes had passed.  
Well. He wasn’t gonna serve the crew something he hadn’t tested before. So that was that.  
Optical it wasn’t much of a treat. The noodles looked okay. Naturally they would lose some of their flavour after being dried, but on the other hand there’s not much you can do to make wheat and water bland. The vegetables were a sad excuse for food, though. Sanji ate a few mouthful before deciding that however convinient and cheap these two minute noodles were, it was nothing he would ever serve the crew. Nevermind the stress and exhaustion after a day when he fell into his hammock after cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes and keeping Luffy away from the fridge and the shitty swordsman from the sake. Nevermind that he sometimes worked at three meals at the same time and forgot to eat himself. It would be so easy to just pour some water over something and have them eat that. They would probably still be grateful and not complain.  
But he knew he wouldn’t be able to look himself in the eye ever again.  
And he liked kneading dough, anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doflamingo/Monet, T for a little pseudo-angst I guess, also I have no idea how to write Monet, I'm sorry

It was a chilly Monday morning when Monet was nowhere to be found. He made Baby 5 look first, and then Pica, and eventually he went himself.

He found her locked up in the tiny bathroom on the third floor. It was not that unusual to come all the way up here, but it was far from her room and not exactly next to his, so it caught his attention. But for now he thought nothing further of it. "Hey," he called when he gently rapped his knuckles against the door, straining his ears to hear what was going on inside. There was no water running, and she had been in too long for just a shower anyway. "Monet? Come out, I need you to—"

"It's late," he heard her say from inside. "Young Master. It's late."

A little miffed at her rude interruption he sniffed a little, leaning against the door with his shoulder. "What is? And speak up, I can barely hear you. Or better yet, come out already—"

The answer came as a wail. "My period."

Doflamingo stared at the door without saying anything, trying to sort out what he knew about the female body. Well, the basic stuff, he figured. Watching Baby 5 grow up and many talks with Jora about the matter had given him some insight, but there was still a lot that was basically magic to him.

But he knew the one thing that a late period could mean.

"Let me in," he said silently. If she wasn't going to open, he could always get in by other means, so his request was basically only out of politeness towards her. There was a pause, in which she probably came to the same conclusion, and then he heard the key turn inside the lock. Monet carefully opened the door. Her face was red and puffy, there were still wet smudges on her cheeks. She looked miserable.

Doflamingo went past her as she closed the door again, locking it. He sat down on the edge of the tub, and she sat down in front of him on the lid of the toilet what she had been sitting and crying for the better part of the morning. She kneaded her fingers while staring down to her striped pyjama bottoms. She hadn't bothered with getting dressed.

"So you're pregnant?" Doflamingo said after a while. 

Money shrugged and nodded and started crying again at the same time.

He placed the tips of his fingers together and watched her for a while until she had calmed down a little again. She used toilet paper to blow her nose and wipe her face. Judging from the overflowing trash bin, she had been for the better part of the morning, too.

"Who've you slept with?" Doflamingo asked next. She looked up at him with big red eyes, affronted.

"Just you," she said, a little disdainful. "I don't sleep with anyone but the Young Master."

"Good." His face lit up. "Then there should be no problem. Why are you crying?"

She sniffed and looked a little surprised. "Well," she began weakly as if not sure where to even begin. "We used protection, didn't we?"

"These things happen," Doflamingo said with a shrug. He almost made a remark that he didn't think a pathetic little piece of rubber would protect anyone from him. But he remembered in time that it was probably not the best time to be cocky when Monet was clearly upset about this. 

"I don't know what I should do," she said weakly. "If it's true... What should I do?" She placed her hands on her belly, her fingers shaking but very carefully, as if she already felt life growing below her chest. 

She looked so unhappy and broken that Doflamingo stood up and went up to her, kneeling down beside her. "Listen here, sweetie," he said gently, wiping her wet cheeks with his thumbs, his lean hands cupping her face. "Don't get so upset. Whatever it is you decide, it will be fine."

She sniffed, and nodded, and laughed a little before she started crying again, hiding her face in her hands. He stroked her hair and frowned. He meant it though. A big part of him was very excited about the idea of having a child himself. What would one mouth more in the family change, anyway? He had taken in Dellinger when he was just a baby, too, so an infant was nothing new to him, either. And Dellinger grew up to be an amazing boy. He was only thirteen now, but Doflamingo had high hopes in him. Baby 5 had also been very young when she had joined. They were like little siblings to him, and he thought having a kid wouldn't be so much different. He was thirty-three, most men had children at this age, and they were not him, so he would do better anyway.

But there was a faint, unwanted feeling in his stomach at the thought of blood-related family. A feeling he had buried under rubble and snow. A feeling he forbade himself to feel, then and now.

"I thought you would be mad," she said, waking him from his thoughts.

He looked at her in surprise. "Why would I be mad?"

She sniffed and shrugged, a forced smile on her face. "I don't want to be a nuisance," she said silently, looking down to her knees.

He sighed, stroking her hair a little. "Monet, sweetheart," he said. "Family is never a nuisance. Ever. Okay?"

She nodded, her smile sad, but true this time. "It's... stupid to freak out like this, too," she said. "It's not certain yet anyway. It's just... My period is usually never late and there is no reason for it to be, so, I don't know, it's all strange."

"Well," he said, picking her up from the toilet lid. She shrieked a little in surprise, clinging to his neck. "You can see a doctor later if you want, but I think for now you need to stop worrying about this. Let's get you something to eat, and if it makes you feel better you can talk to Jola about it, too."

"I would rather not talk to Jola about my sex life with the Young Master." 

"Good point." He grinned at her and gave her a kiss to the cheek. She still looked shaken, but she returned the smile, and when she buried her face at his neck he knew that whatever would happen, she would be okay.

She got her period three days later.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Dofladile fluff because that is always nice, right?

Doflamingo looked at it like a map that lay before him. He saw valleys and hills stretched out on the scene underneath his own body and let his finger wander the paths of blood below. He stopped at a rising, the skin underneath his fingers soft, white scar tissue. "What about this one?" he mused.

Crocodile idly peeped down at his finger, before closing his eyes again, arms crossed behind his head. "Grand Line," he said blearily. "Didn't pay attention and this bloody marine got me good."

"Fufufu." Doflamingo rubbed the scarred slash wound on Crocodile's abdomen with his palm. "Didn't patch it up properly, it seems."

"Nah. I stitched it with the next needle I could find and disinfected it with my last bottle of rum. Fuck, it hurt like hell and got infected for weeks after that." Crocodile spoke lazily around his lit cigar, head cozily in the pillow while Doflamingo was almost lying on top of him. He was tired enough not to mind.

"And these?" Doflamingo had shifted his attention to three scars on Crocodile's left shoulder. "Been shot?"

"Yeah. That was before I got my ability." Bringing his right hand down lazily, Crocodile touched the scar tissue. "South Blue, if I remember correctly. Another pirate. I took off his head with a sword."

"A sword? Didn't know you could do that." Doflamingo reached out for Crocodile's hand, taking it in his own and breathing a kiss to the single finger that bore no ring.

Crocodile made a dismissive sound in his throat. "There's a lot you don't know and I have no intention of telling you."

"And yet, you are." Doflamingo smiled at him, not his usual, uncanny grin, but an actual smile of fondness. Crocodile frowned at him, opening one eye inquisitively.

"I'm telling you exactly how much I want," he said. "And not a word more."

"Of course you are." Doflamingo leaned over him for a kiss that Crocodile only barely scoffed at. "Hey, Croc..."

"Don't."

"What about this one?" Doflamingo continued without paying heed to him, placing another soft kiss on Crocodile's cheek.

"And that is where I cease telling you," Crocodile said, pushing him away with his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a scrapped scene from my fic "The Past is another Country" which I removed because I felt it wasn't fitting for the story. You'll probably recognize where I cut it out. But I still liked the idea and dialogue, so I kept it, and decided to post it here. No additional warnings, despite utter sappyness.

Doflamingo came to rest his chin on Crocodile's chest and looked at him in the darkness. "What is your worst childhood memory?" he asked after a while.

Crocodile sighed aggravated. "Didn't you just say we don't talk about this?"

"This is different. I'm just curious."

Crocodile raised one eyebrow a little. He thought back and contemplated for a while. Doflamingo placed a kiss on his chest before resting his head on the exact same spot. He had pulled the blanket over their bodies again, and he was getting warmer again. Very slowly the scene relaxed. When Crocodile noticed how he trailed his fingers through Doflamingo's hair, it was too late to stop inconspicuously, so he didn't.

"Water," he finally said. "The sea."

"That's a nice memory though, isn't it?"

Crocodile sighed through his nose. "I was drowning," he said dismissively.

Doflamingo chuckled a little. "Fruit Users be damned."

"No... This was before. I could still swim." Crocodile looked up at the ceiling, frowning. He hadn't thought of this unwanted occurrence in such a long time. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. The memory of the waves crashing over his head, his feeble body getting dragged hither and thither by the sea and his helplessness to break through the surface was all too clear in his head even now. The memory of wanting to cry for help, and the water in his lungs that forbade him. The sight of the shore, so close, and out of reach. It had been such a long time ago, and he had decided not to look back in his life, ever. But now Doflamingo made him. "I was simply too small and weak to be a match for the force of nature," he concluded.

"How did you not drown, then?" Doflamingo looked up from his comfortable rest on Crocodile's chest.

Crocodile frowned at him and didn't know why he bothered to answer when he did. "My father saved me," he said. He could see Doflamingo bare his teeth in a grin. It was no humorous smile, and he didn't know why, but he didn't ask, either. An unwanted association with his own family, he guessed. He had no idea how right he was, too.

"Well?" Crocodile said after a while. "Provide me something in return. What's yours?"

Doflamingo chuckled and nuzzled his face against Crocodile's naked skin. "It's not like you care."

"I don't, but I'm not letting you take advantage of me without offering something in return."

The soft chuckle grew to a laughter. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you saw this as business!"

Crocodile rolled his eyes a little, and Doflamingo leaned into his hand on his head, to make him pick up the caressing again. Crocodile moaned a little and tugged softly at the blond locks, but he continued to stroke Doflamingo's hair after all. "I'm serious," he said after a while, allowing himself to sound a little more gentle.

Doflamingo looked at him for a long while and just let himself be pampered a little more. He then sighed loudly, rolling away from Crocodile and to his back. Crocodile followed, rolling to his side in Doflamingo's stead, propping his head in his hand. It was hard to make out expressions in the dim light, and he didn't know what Doflamingo might be thinking. He was going to let it go, when Doflamingo finally said, "Fire, for me."

Crocodile raised one eyebrow. "You're kidding me."

"No, I mean it... the fire, the fire was the worst." Doflamingo raised one hand, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "The... fear and the... the angst, and the hunger, that's..." He sighed. Crocodile held his breath, fearing there would be another outburst of tears, but Doflamingo managed a shaky laugh instead. "No, the fire is the worst. The heat. Unbearable heat. I couldn't see a damn thing under the blindfold, but I remember it scorched my eyebrows. Just in case you ever wondered why I barely have any, there you go." He flopped his hands back to the mattress. "Fuck."

There was not much Crocodile could make out of this. He frowned, trying to piece together what little information he had now. He felt bad for asking. He thought of something to say. "But you lived."

Doflamingo looked over to him. Crocodile held his gaze until Doflamingo smiled. "Yeah," he said silently. "You too." It sounded tender.

Crocodile fell back to his back. "Go us," he sneered, tugging at the blanket. Doflamingo chuckled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little something I wrote for Madame Baroqudile. We write an RP together, and this is set in our little universe. Way back, Doflamingo and Crocodile met in Logue Town and things got a little crazy; but as life is, they got separated again. Only after Doflamingo lost his brother did he contact Crocodile again, because life is short and the people you hold dear can vanish every day.   
> Crocodile promised to wait at the Sabaody Archipelago, and that they would enter the New World together. Now Doffy's gotta catch up.

The light was neon pink and yellow and straining on the eyes, sunglasses or not. The blazing music was an atrocious pop song, a heavy bass line pumping over it and making Doflamingo's ribcage vibrate. He watched the skinny ass of the dancer nearest to him, chin propped in his hand while he sorely sucked at his bendy straw. Not even the paper umbrella the outragingly sexy barkeep had put in his drink extra for him was able to lift his mood.

He watched as what little of a bra there was came off, nice firm tits bouncing to the music as the girl poured glitter all over herself, snaking her hardbody around the pole that she used like a weapon. Diamante next to him was shouting and cheering, throwing bank notes at her. Usually Doflamingo would have, too. He would have been the first to buy a lap dance, making the officers wait their turn because he was the captain and he always went for the nicest girls first. But not today.

He wouldn't even have come here, had Trébol not suggested it and Doffy, in a mixture of peer pressure and old habits, eventually agreed reluctantly.

He looked over to his patron, pitying the poor thing he had chosen to have to treat him to a lap dance. She was tiny on his bony knees, and looked truly uncomfortable. Doflamingo really couldn't blame her. He would maybe tip her a little later. No poor girl that had run away from home with daddy issues deserved this. It wasn't even her fault.

He sighed, chewing on his straw. He really wished he could enjoy this, but he wasn't feeling it. Somehow, he thought it might have been a better idea to go shopping for clothes with Gladius and the girls, no matter how obnoxious Jola could be about dressing him up like he was her little boy. Taking Dellinger into the family hadn't helped at all.

"Hey there, sugar. That frown doesn't suit you. Want me to cheer you up?"

He looked up at a pair of glorious boobs, nice and soft and hardly concealed by a tiny triangle bra. The face overhead was nice, too. Small lips, but deep red lipstick that he liked, and her black hair was gorgeous. She wore it combed back close to her head, and already he could picture himself gripping his hands into that hair, ruffling and yanking it while he made her suck his dick, kneeling before him like he was her god. But he just reached out a hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear; weirdly gentle. "Sorry baby," he said with a smirk. "Not today. But you can be a doll and bring me another round of this." With one hand, he tucked a few Beris under the elastic of her thong, and with the other pushed his empty glass into her manicured hands. Giggling, she swayed away. A generous tip for catching a drink was a good deal.

He felt Diamante stare at him. When Doflamingo returned his glare, he said, "Seriously. What's up with you?"

"Too skinny," Doflamingo said with a noncommittal gesture, missing his straw to suck on already.

Diamante rolled his eyes. "The first was too blonde, the second too small, now you complain about skinny, what's your damn problem today? Things like this usually don't bother you. Get laid, Doffy, and just fucking relax already."

Doflamingo shrugged a little. "I got no interest in pussy today," he said, moping.

Diamante eyed him suspiciously. "I'm pretty sure I saw a rainbow flag on the way—" he began.

"Shit," Doflamingo interrupted with a snarl. "That's not it!"

Diamante lifted his hands. "Can never be to sure with you; you've been into guys a lot the past months—not that that's my business," he added quickly.

Doflamingo groaned again. It was true, obviously. He swung both—or rather, all?—ways and didn't really prefer anything over something else. But there was one person, the one he couldn't have, not right now, anyway, the one across these damned seas, who he would have wanted. And he had been so desperate so often because of that, and he had tried distractions; black haired, gorgeous women like the one from before at first, then, when that didn't work anymore, slowly changing to guys, his usual preference young boys that could be molded and broken, then even swaying from that to, well, men, brooding and massive, a contrast to his own lanky frame, but it never felt right and in the end he was more desperate than before.

"Whatever," he snarled. "I'm here for the music."

Diamante snorted but said nothing. He turned to Pica, who loomed silently next to them. "Let's go, this girl bores me. Let's see if we get a nicer one at another table."

"Yes, sod off." Doflamingo grimaced a little and didn't feel sorry one bit when his officers left him. Sourly he watched the girl on the stage dance, and because he didn't want to be bothered or shooed away from his seat, provided her with the necessary change whenever she came near.

He had never been sexually frustrated in his entire life. It was an experience he could have done without.

It had been a couple of weeks since he had called Crocodile again for the first time in about ten years in a drunken stupor, and maybe two or three since they last spoke—well, 'spoke'; things always escalated quickly, each of them trying not to finish before getting the other off like it was a competition. (But mostly, Doflamingo let Crocodile win on purpose. That worked really well; Crocodile got to feel superior and Doflamingo got more out of Crocodile.) The things Crocodile had said to him, his voice carried over miles upon miles of empty rotten seas by a Den Den Mushi, made him flustered and needy even now. And he had kept the sort-of-promise he had given; he hadn't slept with anyone ever since, the only output he got were their calls every other week. And frankly, it wasn't enough.

He could, he figured, just not give a shit about what he had told Crocodile. Not like the man would ever know. Doflamingo could get all the pussy he wanted and still have Crocodile, right? Hah! It sounded so easy, but nope. That was his dilemma: Nothing worked for him these days. It had never been a problem before. Even in his teen years, after he had already experienced what it was like to have sex with Crocodile, he still could sleep around with other people. When he was alone, his thoughts would always stray right back to Crocodile, and that was fine, but being with someone else still worked.  
But now, a little older, and without even having laid eyes on Crocodile for about ten years, he found himself unable—or unwilling—to sleep with anyone else.

So Crocodile in some way had made good of his words in Logue Town after all, and left him with a severe case of blue balls.

Doflamingo groaned softly and buried his face in his arms on the table. He only looked up when he noticed a drink being put down in front of him and a gentle hand in his hair, caressing his neck. "You really look lonely," the girl from before said, and to Doflamingo's surprise, her voice sounded genuinely empathic.

He sighed and took up his drink. It didn't have a bendy straw. He felt more emotional about this than was normal, even on a scale from other people to Doflamingo. "Yeah well," he muttered and took a sip. "I am." He caught himself wondering if he could slash one of his strings across her face, tearing it in two halves. It wouldn't exactly be a scar, but maybe a bleeding wound would get him off, too... He could just pretend Crocodile was a woman. It wasn't so much Crocodile's dick that got him off after all, it was the man himself, what lay underneath... Not that he didn't like his dick, but.

He sighed again, thinking that even if he took the girl to a private room and managed to get his dick inside her and tear open her face, it wasn't really worth the hassle. And she had a pretty face. It would be a waste, somehow. No, that just wouldn't do.

She sensed she would get no money from him beyond this and took off, and he stared at her ass when she went. He thought about calling Crocodile, and then thought that he would REALLY come off as desperate. And then he thought that Crocodile would absolutely love it if he told him that he had been in a strip club and couldn't get a hard on for any of the girls because all in his mind was Crocodile and his stupid fucking face. 

He thought about what Crocodile might say to that, and the answers he came up with blessed him with hot ears and a boner and he sighed and buried his face in his face and lamented his misery. 

He really needed to call him tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dofladile; written for a "things you said when you thought i was asleep" prompt on tumblr, T

It had been about a year since Marineford, and the thought that his favorite reptile was not gone from this world after all, not swallowed up by the depths of Impel Down, still hadn't completely settled in. It had been a little over two years since they had last shared a bed; with Crocodile taking over Alabasta at the other side of the planet, they really just couldn't make do. But now he was a wanted criminal like before he was a Shichibukai, and Crocodile was on the move again. And it just so happened that his Log Pose had brought him here—or so he said. Doflamingo had laughed, and graciously refrained from taunting him. He too was glad to see the man again, and in so unusually high spirits, too. 

Sheets tangled behind him and just a corner of all of them around his naked body, Doflamingo sat cross-legged in his bed, having a rare smoke. It wasn't oft that it happened, but with Crocodile came the fragrance of burning earth, and after one kind of desire was quenched, he had felt another arise. He exhaled the smoke through his nose, propping his cheek into one hand, looking over. Crocodile was a landscape of rises and dales and burrows under the sheets, and so still it was almost eerie. But Doflamingo liked it. The man's quiet behavior had always anchored him; his madness, his anxiousness. Idly tucking the cigarette between his lips, he leaned back, trying to get a glimpse of Crocodile's face, but the man was buried beneath the sheets, face hidden away from view. Doflamingo gently took the blanket with thumb and index finger, lifting it away carefully. Crocodile didn't move, only exhaling a little and stirring the hair that hung down into his relaxed face.

"Look at you," Doflamingo said with a soft chuckle, taking the cigarette to put it out in the ashtray on his night table where the remnants of Crocodile's cigar still lay. "Sleeping like a baby. When was the last time you were actually relaxed enough to get some rest?" He settled next to him, crawling under the covers to wrap his arm loosely around Crocodile's broad chest and bury his face between his shoulder blades.

Crocodile let him, not bothering to let the man know he was still very much awake. He figured even like this, Doflamingo was right enough.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was done for a template by the infamous RP generator. The prompt was, "Doflamingo and Crocodile go ice skating. Crocodile isn't very good and Doflamingo has to help him." I was asked to include Aokiji. PG as it gets, just a little swearing.

It looked easy enough when Aokiji did it. With his smart coat with the fur trim and leather gloves, he molded the ice like it was clay in his fingers, shaping it at his will. One breath, and the entire lake was covered in a thick layer of ice. He stepped onto it with his ice skates, testing it as if he wasn't sure it would hold. He nodded to himself, and then slid off, perfectly graceful on the ice pond skater.

Crocodile felt more like a penguin.

"No," he said, for the umpteenth time. He clung to the railing of the bridge, stiff as a plank. He had his ankles and knees pressed tightly together. He didn't trust his legs, the slightest movement would have his feet slide away in opposite directions, and he would not fall down to his butt. Not Sir Crocodile. 

Doflamingo chuckled. He was tucked deep into his feathery coat against the cold Aokiji had summoned. His knuckles were red already, but still he held his hands out for Crocodile to grab on to. "Come on," he said. His tone could have been mistaken as soft, were it not for that gash of a smile across his face that was telling enough about what he thought about Crocodile clinging to the post like a drowning man to a life belt. "I'll hold on to you; you won't fall."

"Ice is just frozen water," Crocodile groaned, lifting his gaze from his shaking knees up to the frozen lake. The rest of the Shichibukai sure looked like they were enjoying themselves. Mihawk looked like a fucking figure skater, not falling short of Aokiji's skills and even surpassing him with his flashy clothes. The plume on his hat looked like a dove in the airflow. "I will not get out there."

Doflamingo laughed some more. "If the ice breaks we're all gonna drown. Nobody will live to tell the tale of how you sucked at ice skating. Now come."

Crocodile groaned some more. "No", he said again, grinding his teeth. "You go. I stay here."

Doflamingo guffawed. "Clinging to the railing? How dignified!"

Crocodile bared him his teeth as an answer, and then watched in horror as Doflamingo pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his pants and skated off. Crocodile was left behind, clinging to the post, not daring to even so much as breathe. He felt his legs slide to the side, slowly. He told himself he was imagining it. He watched Doflamingo gesture at Aojiki, who in return made some ramps out of thin air. Doflamingo actually jumped over them, landing on the blades. Crocodile made a face. His ankles were drifting farther apart. He gripped his gloved hands deeper into the wood of the post. He watched Doflamingo challenge Mihawk to a race, and win it by cheating; spinning his threads in the man's path and send him flying. His laughter reached Crocodile even on his outpost.

"Doflamingo!" Crocodile called, barely hiding back his panic when he didn't feel his knees pressing together any longer. Doflamingo was over surprisingly quick, as if he had waited just for this to happen. 

"Yes?" he cooed.

"Hold me," Crocodile snarled. Rattling the words like a snake its tail didn't help mask face heating up. Doflamingo didn't get to respond, because Crocodile almost yelled, "Quick!" And then his legs gave in and he fell—right into Doflamingo's arms that were there to catch him.

He lifted him like he weighed nothing, holding on to his shoulders with a steadying grip before grabbing him by the hand. "Now come," he said happily. "I'll teach you. It really isn't that hard."

And Crocodile would have objected, but with nothing solid to hold on to, Doflamingo could drag him behind him like a sled, and there was just nothing he could do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I almost lost you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doflamonet. Drabble prompt from tumblr. Punk Hazard like it should have been.

Dealing with Smoker had been a nice outlet. Rampaging through him and his marines had felt good. With the explosion, nobody would think it was weird that all that remained was corpses.

His threads led him the way. He sneaked them underneath the rubble like worms, fumbling and feeling what was underneath until he found what he was looking for. Her body was damaged badly. The feathers of her wings were bristled and bent, a few bones broken. He wiped away her hair from her forehead, not minding the caked blood everywhere. "Monet," he said softly as he carefully shielded her in his arms. "I'm taking you home. Everything will be alright, darling."

Buffalo and Baby 5 were waiting for him as he took her back. He would have carried her through the air himself, but he was glad he could sit on Buffalo's back as they went back to Dressrosa, and keep her close as he listened to her weak heartbeat.

He didn't get the Ope Ope fruit this time, either. But that was fine, apparently Law would arrive on Dressrosa soon enough himself. For now, Mansherry's tears were good enough.

Monet awoke with a gentle gasp and a deep inhale, finding herself in a bed. The ceiling above was familiar. He turned her head, finding the Young Master sitting in a chair next to her bed. She couldn't see because of his sunglasses, but the way his head had bobbed to his chest told her he had fallen asleep. She looked out of the window beside her to a wonderful purple and orange sunrise.

She was alive.

Carefully, she sat herself up, and felt something pinch her gently, and Doflamingo woke instantly and fully alert. She smiled, thinking it was sweet that he would connect to her with his strings so he wouldn't miss any changes even when he slept. "Monet," he said and leaned forward, hand cupping her face. "You're finally awake."

She brushed a few feathers over his hand. She quickly closed her eyes when she felt tears welling up. "I'm sorry, Young Master, I failed you—" she began saying, but Doflamingo leaned in and closed her mouth with a kiss.

"It's alright," he said when he drew back. "I have a backup plan. Don't worry about what happened on Punk Hazard now. It was a minor setback, but not all is lost. For now, it's important that we get you back to your feet." He flashed a grin, and seeing him like this made her heart lighter. She leaned her face into his soft touch and felt his thumb brush gently over her cheek. When she looked up again, the smile was gone, and he was frowning at her. "I almost lost you, Monet..."

"I'm sorry," she said, and felt awful that the shakiness in his voice made her smile.

"I don't deal well with loss, and you know that," he said, leaning her forehead against hers. "Don't you dare do anything like that ever again."

"I know, I won't, I'm sorry," she whispered, trailing her feathers up his arms until she could lean against his chest in a hug, resting her face against his chest. He nuzzled his nose into her hair and sighed.

"What would I tell Sugar?" he muttered. "Nothing is worse than losing family."

She nodded and pulled him closer and let him bury his face in the bent of her neck when she felt his shoulders shaking.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought you were dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dofladile, drabble prompt from tumblr.

Crocodile hated that Doflamingo's foot pressing against his hook was impossible to push back. He grit his teeth and channeled his strength, twisting the curve of it to the side so that Doflamingo's shoe slid right off. But he was quicker, again, hopping back and evading the punch that followed.

"Feisty," he chuckled, landing softly on his feet. His center lay several inches above Crocodile's own who wasn't as airborne; it was a miracle that Crocodile just couldn't topple him over. "I see Impel Down didn't really do jack shit to you."

"Please," Crocodile sneered, wiping away a few sand grains from his coat. "I didn't even break into sweat."

"Ufufufu, of course." Crocodile watched Doflamingo raise his hand, but before he could start another assault, they both evaded a stray bullet from somewhere in the battlefield; Crocodile by simply turning to sand and letting it travel through him and right to Doflamingo, who just ducked his head to the side. Not too far away, Straw Hat was yelling. They both looked over quickly before turning their gaze back to each other.

"I really didn't think I'd ever see you again, Crocodile," Doflamingo chuckled. "I'm so excited."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Crocodile replied dead-pan, making Doflamingo laugh even harder. There was a mutual understanding, and they both dove in for another round of attacking each other. Doflamingo was quick in evading Crocodile's right hand, aiming to grab his face, his hands, his ankle, anything to touch him, but Doflamingo was quicker on his feet, and his strings were everywhere. It was easy enough to avoid them, they slid uselessly through sand; but between dodging them and Doflamingo's kicks, Crocodile quickly saw himself pushed into a corner.

Crocodile stumbled a step back, catching his balance. His hair had come loose, and he smoothed his hand over it to push it back. Doflamingo was leering, but gave him ample time to recover. He was playing. Had he used haki just once, his feet would have kicked solid flesh instead of nimble sand. Had it been anyone else, Crocodile would have lost his mind with fury.

"I can't believe you're teaming up with that kid and the old man," Doflamingo said. His hands were down, but Crocodile saw the crooked fingers. The threads were still around him. That probably explained why they were left alone despite the war around them. "Straw Hat is the one who got you into Impel Down in the first place."

"False," Crocodile said easily. "That was Baroque Works' breakout attempt. You're poorly informed, it seems."

"Oh, whatever, don't be so petty!" Doflamingo snickered. Crocodile only saw the moment out of the corner of his eye, but suddenly Doflamingo dashed forward, and he grabbed Crocodile's arms with both of his hands, lifting him up. Crocodile snarled at the undignified position, feeling his shirt get pulled out of his pants, cufflink sliding back to reveal his wrist joint, standing just barely on tiptoe.

"I'm kinda mad," Doflamingo said into Crocodile's ear. "I thought you were dead."

Crocodile stared up at him, but all he saw was his own reflection in purple and orange in Doflamingo’s mirrored sunglasses. He grinned. "I'm not, am I."


	11. A break in the weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfinished ficlet with Doflamonet and Dofladile in it. I wanted this to focus on Doflamingo, who I headcanon as pansexual and polyamorous, but halfway through I realized I had no idea where I was going with this, so I scrapped it. 
> 
> Nevertheless, I like what little I came up with, so I'm putting it up here now.

Doflamingo threw the newspaper onto his desk with a snarl. "Smoker?" he yelled. "And he's getting a promotion, too? What a bitch!"

He ran his hands through his hair with an aggravated sigh, slumping down onto the desk. Suddenly his body felt heavy. What unwanted news: Crocodile had been found out and arrested; the civil war in Alabasta ended by that snotty princess and the wrongly accused king redeemed. The newspaper made it sound like the Marines had known what they were doing, but Doflamingo knew for a fact that couldn't be. Nobody had known about Crocodile's plans, only him and that brat Nico Robin... And Doflamingo himself. Not because Crocodile would have told him, of course, but because Doflamingo kept tabs on everyone.

He rubbed his forehead, grabbing one of the baby Den Den Mushi on the side table by his desk. "Baby 5," he bellowed the second there was a dial tone, "get me Vergo on the line and pronto. I don't care where in the world he is, it's his sick mom calling. Make it sound extra whiny, understood?"

"Yes, Young Master," was her quick reply, not even bothering to ask what was up when her captain was obviously in such a foul mood.

Doflamingo hung up and pushed his hands under the sunglasses to rub his eyes. They stung. He felt angry, but only because he didn't allow himself to feel sad, or worse. Crocodile would end up in jail, so what. Wasn't like it would be Impel Down, right? He could escape.

Yeah, Doflamingo thought. It would be easy, for someone like him. The seastone cuffs might be a hassle, but the rest, once he was free, was but child's play.

The thing was... He had to want out, too. And that was what made Doflamingo's stomach curl. Not that Crocodile had ever downright admitted it, but there had been the insinuation that if his Operation Utopia failed, he had no plans to continue and try to play with the cool kids anymore. Damn his pessimism. Had Whitebeard not crushed the man all these years ago, who knew who Crocodile would be today? 

He heaved a sigh and stared out of his dark room to the bright Dressrosan morning. He loved his summer island, he really did. There was always sunshine. It never rained, it never ruined his mood. And now this. Suddenly, he thought rain clouds would be so much more fitting than the annoying sunshine.

A gentle knock on the door made him turn his head. "What," he inquired gruffly.

Monet opened the door, carrying a normal and a black Den Den Mushi on a tray. She had begun to grow her hair out a while ago. Doflamingo had not been aware how long it had been getting, but it already bounced on her shoulders this miserable morning. Like so often she wore not much besides colorful, striped panties and a top. The elastic fabric didn't leave much to the imagination as far as her breasts were concerned. If Doflamingo minded, then only for selfish reasons, but he never said anything because it made embracing her so much more pleasant. If someone had asked him, he would answer he preferred lingerie on a woman, with frills and laces and little bows. Or simply nothing at all. But somehow, the casual, lazy clothes Monet chose to wear enthralled him just as much. 

Her thighs looked white and soft. He wanted to touch them the moment she walked into the room, graze his lips against her skin, curl her hair around his fingers. Instead, he asked again: "What is it?"

"Vergo, Young Master." Her voice was so soft and soothing. He felt his anger fade away, if only slightly. 

Doflamingo sniffed and waved her over, grabbing the receiver. She stood there silently beside him, holding the tray for him. 

"Hey, heard about mom?" he asked.

Vergo answered after a pause that was a little too long for a normal conversation. He sounded so far away. It made Doflamingo guess just how vast these rotten seas were. Where in the world was Vergo right now, anyway? It only added to his misery. "I hear she's getting worse. I need to go home for a while."

"Shame. Give her my regards. Do me a favor though. Have you read today's newspaper yet?"

"No. I have it here though."

"Try the title story." 

There was a pause, and Vergo huffed. "Weird," he said. "It was right here on the desk, and now I can't seem to find it—"

"You're holding it in your hand," Doflamingo said without batting an eyelash.

"Oh. Indeed I have. Thanks, Doffy."

Doflamingo waited as Vergo shuffled through the pages. He heard him inhale a sharp breath at the headline and compromising photo that Doflamingo still had before him, too. Normally he would be so happy to see Crocodile, even if it was just in the newspaper. He would run his finger over the thin paper and the black and white that made up his face. Rub them over the pixelated line that made his brain believe it was his scar, like he would do when the man was really with him. To the cheeks, past the scowl, over his broad jaw, slide down the neck, coaxingly under the collar, feeling his Adam's apple. Crocodile was a very handsome man. Some said the scar ruined his otherwise quite conventionally good-looking face. But Doflamingo liked it. He liked how it lit up over flushed cheeks when they were alone. 

"Seems unlikely that that would happen," Vergo said, waking Doflamingo from his thoughts. "Smoker's no bad marine, but I don't think he'd ever be a match for Sir Crocodile... Let alone forfeit a plan as well thought through as his."

"That's what I thought." Doflamingo leaned back in his desk chair, rubbing is free hand over his temple. "I need you to get to Smoker and find out what really happened. If it's really been him, I think he needs to have an accident in the near future. We can't underestimate anyone. He's too nosy... I can't have that happening."

"Understood, Doffy."

"I'm counting on your, Vergo." Doflamingo handed Monet the receiver and she hang up for him. She looked at her Young Master and frowned a little. "Sir Crocodile has been arrested?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, he got busted and his ass kicked." Doflamingo sighed, staring out of the window again, chin propped into his hand. "It worries me a little," he added, feeling comfortable enough around his officer to confide in her. And he knew she didn't like to hear of Crocodile, but he needed to tell her anyway. "Crocodile has always been crazy prepared. Uncanny, really. He actually played the hero quite well. I don't understand how this could have happened. The poor Alabastans actually loved him. The king, too! I mean, I make them believe they love me, but him? He was a star!" he sighed, leaning back in his chair.

There was a pause. He knew exactly why. He was almost anxious to see what she would say.

"We love you," Monet finally offered gently. She carefully put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it a little.

He grinned at her and put his hand over hers. Her words were so carefully worded. She was so humble. It flattered him. "I know," he said, sounding a little less sour now. Her answering smile was curt, and she squeezed his shoulder briefly before she let go. He followed her with his eyes as she rounded the desk back to the door. He liked her backside. All of it.

"Young Master," she said then, turning around again. "What are you gonna do?" Her voice was calm and collected, and had he not known her as well as he did, he might not have detected her hostility.

"Hmm?" He looked up from her body to her eyes again before getting to his feet, throwing his coat around his shoulders. "About the reptile?" She nodded, and he gave a hearty laugh. "Are you jealous?"

"No," she said, solemnly, turning her head to the side a little. "I know my place. I'm content. I have no reason to be jealous. I just thought..."

"Oh, I'm not gonna just fly over and bust him out. He would never forgive me. No, the man can handle himself. If it's really been Smoker who's gotten to him, he's our real problem." Doflamingo chuckled, but the way he lowered his head for a second, averting his eyes that lay hidden away behind mirrored glasses, told her enough to know what he really thought. 

"Understood," she said softly, nodded and closed the door behind her without a sound.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something something with Doflamingo and Tsuru, dedicated to and inspired by tumblr user yamineftis. Tsuru's dialogue is written by JRR Tolkien.

They met in the hallway. Doflamingo rolled from his heels to his toes and back as he stood and waited for Tsuru to catch up. "Good morning," he said cheerfully when she walked past him without even looking at him. He'd expected as much.

Now she turned, a thin white eyebrow raised.

"What do you mean?" she said, her tone flat as she looked up to him. He grinned at her confusedly. "Do you wish me a good morning," she explained, "or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or do you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

"I'm—" he stuttered, hands sinking to his sides, fingers twitching nervously. "Uhm... I-I... Well, I..." She was already walking on, leaving him to stand where he was. "Dammit you mean old hag!" he yelled after her when he realized what she'd done to him. "I only wanted to be nice!"

He didn't see her smirk.


End file.
